I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
