he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
