think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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