wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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