when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
