her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
