Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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