the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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