Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
