Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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