Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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