ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
