quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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