Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
