Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize