I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
