I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
