Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
