halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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