Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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