tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
