Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
