I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
