quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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