The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
