8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
