Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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