Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
