I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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