I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So much rum. So many feels.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
