I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
