piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
