last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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