well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
