i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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