She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
