There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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