hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
