She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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