I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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