She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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