So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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