Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
