Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
