: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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