Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
