i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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