Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
