bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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