She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
