.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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