I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.