we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Some milfs here doing some blow
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.