I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...