And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL