I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.