sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
