Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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