U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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