C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
