I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
