My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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