apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
