I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
