Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
