I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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