i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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