I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
