that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
