I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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